The Lonely Goatherd Blog And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats - Matthew 25:32
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April 23, 2009
Morrissey's Music Is Murder
Howdy neighbors, just want to have a friendly little two minute hate for Steven Patrick Morrissey, lead whiner of the Smiths and an icon of, I guess, goth types for a generation. Finding myself reading accounts of his 2009 Coachella appearance and noting that said accounts left me wanting to bring the pimp hand down on Morrissey. I think there are basically three points to it.
First of all, Morrissey's music just totally sucks donkey nads. There are a lot of good bands that just aren't really to my taste, but the Smiths are not among them. They just weren't any good. Having heard nearly all the Smiths records, and probably half of Morrissey's solo output - having been a college boy during the Smiths time in the 80s and having TRIED to listen to them repeatedly - for all that, I can remember exactly one song of his career.
There's just hardly anything memorable about Morrissey's songs - regardless of how many chumps have bought his records. There's precious little in the way of basic hooks, much less any memorable melodic development. Nor is there much noteworthy in any of the arrangments or performance from this bland Smiths band. Their contemporaries in Duran Duran worked about skin deep, and hardly anyone would accuse them of being great artistes. But even the gibberish "Union of the Snake" was catchy and had a beat - as did a lot of their songs. They can at least claim basic competence as pop songwriters, and creators of some hot dance grooves. What was the Smith's big hit single again?
So I was not surprised to read accounts of Morrissey's recent Coachella performance, to find that his big centerpiece was the Smith's song "Girlfriend in a Coma." That was the one song of his that I myself can remember, the one thing in his lousy catalog that might constitute a legitimate pop song. I can at least halfway remember how this goes after a couple of years not hearing it. There is something at least vaguely mistakable for a real song there.
But this brings me to the second point of my hatey-hate against Morrissey. This song is one of the most pathetic pieces of poopie lickin' self-pity ever in a pop song. It always just struck me as damned convenient that Morrissey would have a girlfriend who was in a coma - that way he wouldn't have to actually have sex with her.
His entire personnae seems pathetic and disgusting to me, what an actually talented songwriter like Ben Folds might describe as "unearned unhappiness." Whining and misery and sanctimonious judgment have been Morrissey's artistic stock in trade. And he doesn't even have interesting music or arrangements to express his petty misery. Why would someone want to listen to such tuneless misery? He insists that Meat Is Murder, but I'm telling you that Morrissey's music is murder.
Then there was the Coachella moment that gave me the minor epiphany. At a huge rock concert, they have vendors selling hotdogs and hamburgers and such. This of course was deeply offensive to this militant vegetarian (there's a passive-aggression thing for ya). But after taking a check to play such an event, he nonetheless has to go on a little cheesy rant against his paying customers.
"I can smell burning flesh," Morrissey said, but the crowd wasn't quiet enough, so he repeated it. "I can smell burning flesh, and I hope to god it's human." Uh, come again? He made a series of gagging noises, sung a bit more. Then: "The smell of burning animals is making me sick," he said, gagging again. "I can't bear it!"
Listen to what he's saying. "I hope to God it's human." This isn't a statement of love or concern for poor suffering cows and pigs. It's an undisguised statement of hatred for humanity. He really would be happy to find that Soylent Green is made out of people. Good.
Somebody want to tell me again why I'd give a damn about this tuneless, miserable, hateful little bitch?
