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Al Barger and MoreThings - getting people's goats since 1998.
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January 23, 2004
Everybody Loves Raymond must be banned
I'm seconding new brother Blogcritic David Flanagan who finds freedom to be offensive. He's right. It sucks.
I say we clean house. We're not accepting or tolerating homophobia, xenophobia, racism, any of that. There is a democratic consensus or some judge decided it or something. Anyway, these things are fattening and immoral, and of course deeply offensive.
OK, fair enough- but I'll insist that we include on the banned phobia/ism list the principal group responsible for violating MY civil liberties. Since there so many citizens, maybe we should just pick one thing apiece to ban.
I pick think-o-phobes. Dumb sonsabitches who avoid thought of any significant kind as if it were painful. People who go to great lengths to actively avoid thought. People who love Raymond.
If I get to ban just ONE stupid, thoughtless thing, it will be Everybody Loves Raymond.
Nielsen estimates that approximately 1 billion Americans each week faithfully tune in to watch Everybody Loves Raymond. Why?
Do they adore the shrewish, nagging wife? Perhaps it is Raymond's whining and petty grievances that get the folks excited. Perhaps they identify with someone who manages to be such a miserable loser despite being a rich American.
Do any of these people have a personality other than broadly being whiny or shrewish? Do they have any pride or passion in anything? Are they Republicans, Democrats, Green? Do they believe in Jesus? Do they even give a THOUGHT to any such thing?
NO. Exactly my complaint. There's not a thought in the head of any of these characters other than the most mundane level of personal politics, how to get what they want out of family members in the next five minutes. How do I get him to take out the trash? How do I get her to leave me alone while I watch the game? That pretty much seems to be their level of consciousness.
"Blandly whiny" pretty well describes the tone. That would have to be one of the least appetizing descriptions I could imagine. I'd rather watch Susan Sarandon rant against President Bush. Heck, I'd rather watch Michael Moore rant against the president. Hell, I would rather listen to Barbara Streisand sing than to have to watch Everybody Loves Raymond.
Raymond kills brain cells. Every time you fixate on one these inane thoughts, a few of your brain cells dies not just from lack of exercise, but by active suffocation. It's like Raymond's whining is holding a pillow over your brain, and smothering it from ever being able to think again. You might as well be huffing paint thinner or sniffing glue.
In short, Raymond sucks really bad, and anybody who watches it is a big doo-doo head.
It's bad for America. It is destructive of our basic will to think. If any of you conspiracy buffs wanted to argue that there is some oligarchic/corporate/government/Vatican plot to dumb down the nation, Raymond would be exhibit A in evidence. Raymond must be put down with extreme prejudice.
Hey, hey-ho, ho Think-o-phobes have got to go!
posted by Al at 1/23/2004 07:45:00 PM
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