Succinctly Speaking
Kathleen Fulmer...Nora Dunn
Tarzan...Kevin Nealon
Tonto...Jon Lovitz
Frankenstein...Phil Hartman
[Open on talk show set with title SUPER: "SUCCINCTLY SPEAKING."
Theme music plays. Seated from left to right are Frankenstein, host Kathleen
Fulmer, Tarzan and Tonto]
Don Pardo V/O: "Succinctly Speaking" with Kathleen Fulmer.
[Applause as camera zooms in to Kathleen]
Kathleen Fulmer: Good evening and welcome to "Succinctly
Speaking." I'm Kathleen Fulmer. My guests today include Tonto, Tarzan and
Frankenstein. All right, Tarzan, let's start with you: Fire.
Tarzan: Fire good.
Kathleen Fulmer: Mm-hmm. Tonto?
Tonto: Fire good.
Kathleen Fulmer: All right. Frankenstein?
Frankenstein: [Growls] Fire bad!
Kathleen Fulmer: Okay, we have a difference of opinion, and I think
that's what makes our forum work, the give and take. Don't you think? [Tarzan
and Tonto nod. Frankenstein scowls at Kathleen] Okay, let's move on, shall we?
Bread.
Frankenstein: [Growls] Bread good!
Kathleen Fulmer: Hold on. Hold on, Frankenstein, we'll get to you. Tonto?
Tonto: Bread good, Kemo Sabe.
Kathleen Fulmer: Mm-hmm. Tarzan.
Tarzan: Bread good.
Kathleen Fulmer: All right.
Tarzan: I no.. I no eat bread.
Kathleen Fulmer: Good. Frankenstein?
Frankenstein: Bread, gooood!
Kathleen Fulmer: All right. Now before we move on, let's talk about
something that is in the news very much these days: the I.N.F. Treaty. Tarzan?
Tarzan: Tarzan like treaty. Make world safer for Tarzan and Boy.
Kathleen Fulmer: All right. There's a strong endorsement. Tonto?
Tonto: Hmm, me no trust treaty, Kemo Sabe.
Kathleen Fulmer: All right. Frankenstein?
Frankenstein: Fire bad!
Kathleen Fulmer: Okay, but what about the I.N.F. Treaty?
Frankenstein: [Growls]
Tonto: Excuse me, Miss Fulmer. Frankenstein not understand question.
Kathleen Fulmer: Oh, I'm sorry. The I.N.F. Treaty, it outlaws
medium-range nuclear, excuse me, nuclear missiles, at least that in a European
theater.
Frankenstein: [Growls, then breaks character and laughs] Fire bad!
Kathleen Fulmer: Thank you. Well, that's all the time we have. Join us
next week when we'll be talking with the cavemen from Quest For Fire.
[Phil is trying hard to hold in his laughter. He stands up and tries to stay in
character as he walks to the back of the set]
Frankenstein: [Growls] Fire [laughs] bad! Fire bad! [He breaks
through the back wall of the set. Tarzan jumps onto his chair, then climbs back
down]
Tonto: Frankenstein fear fire, not understand booking. [Frankenstein
growls off-camera]
Tarzan: Line between fantasy and reality blurry for Frankenstein.
[Frankenstein re-enters through the hole he made in the wall]
Frankenstein: [Growls] Fire bad! [Growls and walks toward the camera,
then exits]
Kathleen Fulmer: [Waves] Good night. Join us, uh, next week. It's been a
wonderful show. Drive safely.
[Applause. Dissolve to show title as theme plays. Fade]
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