South Park

Episode 814 - Woodland Critter Christmas Script

Woodland Critters Christmas on South Park

Mousey: Stanny, you're alive.
Beary: But, does that mean you killed the mountain lion?
Stan: It's dead.
Deery: For real and for true?
Beavery: Are you sure.
Stan: I'm sure. It won't be hurting you anymore.
Squirrely: He did it! Now our critter Christmas can finally happen! Hail Satan!
Critters: Hail Satan!
Stan: Wait, wha-what?
Beavery: You've done us a huge favor, Stanny! Without the mountain lion around, the Lady Porcupiney can give birth to the Antichrist!
Critters: Yaaay Satan! [they head over to the manger]
Stan: Waiwait, the Antichrist?? You said she was giving birth to your savior!
Squirrely: Yeah, to the Son of our Lord, Satan, Prince of Darkness.
Stan: But I thought you meant the Son of God!
Deery: Well, think about it: You really think God would have sex with a porcupine?
Chickadee-y: No way! Only Satan, Prince of Darkness and King of all Evil would do that! Yay!
Foxy: This just calls for a celebration! Let's sacrifice Rabbity and eat his flesh!

Satanic altar

 

self sacrifice on the altar of satan

 

 

Satanic blood sacrifice

Rabbity: Yay! Sacrifice me to the Devil!
  [the other critters cheer. Stan is frozen stunned as Beary pulls up a satanic altar on a small wagon with a little help from Squirrely. The other animals bring Rabbity up to the altar. Rabbity is propped up on the altar and Beary tears him apart with a big knife. The other animals crowd in, tear away pieces of the body, and eat them raw]

 

drinking blood

Chickadee-y: Drink his blood! Drink his blood!
Squirrely: [jumps into a puddle of blood] Blood orgy!!!
Critters: Yay, blood orgy! Blood orgy, yay!

 

Satanic blood orgy

 

blood orgy image

 

manger of the antichrist

 

Stan Marsh image

 

manger for the Antichrist image

 


  [the critters drench themselves in Rabbity's blood and begin the orgy. Beavery mounts Raccoony, Skunky mounts Porcupiney, Mousey mounts foxy, and Beary mounts Deery. Squirrely hope onto Deery's left ear and mounts that. Chickadee-y flits around. In the background is heard "Sting, so true!" Stan is traumatized now.]
   
Critters: What special time and special day,
It's Woodland Critter Christmas.

Woodland Critters Christmas wallpaper image

   

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